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the sunshine on the water.

for something so moderately small, it took alot of effort.
a pond. a nice pond. a slightly curved, and somewhat shallow hole in the ground.
the black plastic goes in, i cover up the edges of the plastic with the dirt, line the pond with rocks, fill it up with the hose, and...
there we have it. a woman made backyard pond.
the only one thing that could be any better is having my family here to share it with.
the days go by, and everyday i wake up, i take the dogs, i go and check my greenhouse, i come back, clean my house, get some breakfast, feed the chickens.
it keeps me busy.
but not sane.
i feel i have taken for granted what i had. i miss them so much.
the trip out west, maybe that will save me.
the thought of being able to just go, something i have long wanted to do, is whats driving me everyday. i wish i could leave right now.
im thinking of being gone for awhile. i dont know.
i just need to go. i know thats not going to solve the issue at hand, but maybe i will be able to cope better. or.. maybe it will just make me more miserable. i dont know.
i guess ill have to find out.
its strange how when you have things, they arent good enough. when you have everything, it means nothing.
now, in this crazy backward ass place, there is a pond.
a pond that i can see my reflection in. clear water, i can see straight to the bottom. pretty little rocks lining the outside, fresh black dirt that smells almost like musty pine.
the sun hits it in the way that almost makes it magical. that makes you believe that you can jump right into the middle of it, and come out the other side, back into reality.