everywhere there is life. yet sadness. the cherry trees are in bloom. big pink and deep mahogany flowers unfolding in the sunshine. the tips of the tree branches sprouting with green ready to unroll into the warmth. the temperature has been nice. 72 yesterday. i always have loved the spring best of all. and the spring equinox was special to me. i gave my soul to the goddess in prayer for a fruitful spring and planting season. begged her for mercy from the pain of my loss..
its madness. while everything is being brought to life by the love between the gods, i live without love. without physical contact of another human being. my pain.
it aches in me. i am thankful for my furry friends. if not for them i fear i would go mad. even though they are not what i long for, they are my companions all the same. they are alive in this world that is so lonesome. yet, i move forward. im up with the sun, finding new ways of entertaining myself. every morning i have been working out. on nice days, i go outside into the backyard with a wooden handle off a mop. and i practice swing and jabbing and turning and moving. it stretches out my muscles. keeps me strong. also helps me to be calm. i have stopped taking pills all together. i rely now only on mother earth to keep me sustained and healthy. and she will.
i do not want man made chemicals inside my body any longer.
i climbed a tree. i havent climbed a tree since i was a girl, and it made me happy. i felt alive again. something i need more ofton.
my inside garden grows madly with wonderful relief. the best way i know how. my all natural earthly cure for what ails me. soon i will be able to break it down, cure it and try it. im very excited about that. i spend alot of time there, grooming and babying my plants. i talk to them, and water them and watch them grow. just like i would children. i have decided, that the one thing i stood up for above all other was to free the plant. now.. its free. i intend on taking that opportunity and flowing with it. i always said that the government should be "overgrown" and since there is plenty of space, i believe i will populate my surroundings with the wonderment that is the plant. i can see it everywhere. i already sing "what a wonderful world" in my head as i picture it. some of the best of course will be grown inside with light like the sun. but, i will plant seeds in my yard. beside the porch.. the fence.. in the garden out back. i am going to work this week on beginning cultivation of some seeds. tomato, squash, peppers. there is a nice patch of land between this house and the house next door. i will find a fantastic tiller and till the land so that i can plant. there are no trees to block the sun. i cant wait to start the work. it will take my mind off things, and i can become in touch with my goddess and god, and everything they are. and i find nothing more satisfying than to have my hands in the earth, and helping to bring life to it to sustain my human body. i drove out to a huge garden supply store in the city and found everything i needed to start the season.
the neighbors house, is also full of life. 12 chickens, 3 roosters. i finally finished some of the roosting boxes. what a job it was, but i think i have done a job well, because they are laying eggs like crazy. the screened in patio/porch now has a row of roosting boxes with ramps leading up to the boxes for easy access. i shut it all up at nice when they go to roost. they have a fantastic watering hole i dug out in the middle of the yard and inside the porch area is a a long trough short and close the ground. i loaded up on bread, and throw them lots out everyday. they love it, and the inside of the neighbors house is full of bread. i make my own bread when i see fit to eat it, although i have to say i can never really get mine to perfection, i am working on it. but then again, i have only made 2 loaves, so what does it matter?
the cold rains have come. always part of spring, and i worry about tornadoes. i have no basement here. i should find a place that does. i didnt think about to begin with. maybe i can build a safe house. of course, i would have to dig alot. i would be scared to use a large cat or something of the sort to dig out a massive hole and construct a cellar. i dont find that feasible. of course, i dont want to get caught in a tornado either. so maybe i should come up with some idea. this is something i was foolish not to think about. maybe i should have moved out away from town. there was a tornado that ripped through the far side of town last year. destroyed alot of stuff. the season is already almost upon me and i feel now more than ever i need a shelter from the elements.
man had a huge impact on this earth. now that man is gone i expect the worst of the weather. i will find a safe house. when i see or feel bad weather coming, i can go to stay there. i will walk the streets tomorrow looking for a basement or a cellar.
fix it up, with what i need to get by, and hope that my life isnt uprooted by mother nature.
i have connected with her. mother of nature, the elements. i trust in the worse of things, that i will be safe.
before the weekend is out, i plan to make a spot of worship in the thick of nature. i will make a trail leading through the woods to a special spot i will pick out. it is there will i have my meditation and devote my self to the elements. un believably the power is still on. im thankful for that. i found everything i need to can veggies this year. i do want to can them, fresh veggies to put back and eat later. wonderful. its been raining. day before yesterday there was a thunderstorm. the rain is replenishing the earth, and the ground should be easy to plant in.
its the only thing im looking forward too.
i have put myself on a good diet, only the best natural stuff for me. i have only a cup of coffee a day, which is good compared to the 8 or ten pots i was hooked on not long ago.
i have also, some wine in the making. i used natural frozen juice, and i am fermenting in a cooler. my mumo always said drink a glass of wine a day because its good for the heart. so i fully intend to. it help me sleep at night so i dont have to be dependent at all on pills. smoking a hog leg and having a glass of wine, and im out like a light.
i wish i had taken care of myself all along. but now, im getting strong, and healthier.
i am glad for that. i think i go and wander the town. i want to go to and get a smoothie.