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and then there were none.

at night this town is lit up like birthday candles on a cake. only i am far from singing. the emptiness sometimes is to much for me and i find the only thing that saves me from myself is sleep.
on the 25th of december i burried my fathers ashes right where he wanted to be. it has been long awaited for him, and i hope now he is resting at peace like
he should be.
he deserves that.

on new years i found myself with a bottle of wine and a season of charmed curled up on my very comfy couch i traded out for the previous one and the
recliner. after a doobie and a few glasses i found myself relaxed enough to almost forget that i was alone. the snow came, and a pretty intense cold snap
with it. the nights were single digits. it started to snow on my way back from michigan but for the most part i missed the heaviest downfall. it didnt snow
very much here but it was defiantly cold.

i have spent the last few weeks shopping. i now have a huge comfy couch in place of the bed i drug into the living room. its a wide comfortable couch and so
i sleep on it now instead of any bed. i previously had the other rooms of the house closed off, but i decided that wasnt very feasible. so i opened them up.
i had already boarded all the windows up and so i let it alone. it was kindof a hassle to have to move furniture out of the bedrooms, but i cleared them out
and left only one of the three with dresser in it, and added to it a nice chair, a big cat complex, and a table that i use for my puzzles. yet another
distraction. i have one layed out now. fantasy. a nice forest scence with a wizard..
the other two have been completely cleared of all furniture and clothes. i brought a table over from a local furniture store and put it into one of the three
rooms. i decided i needed something to occupy my time when i wasnt outside. so i went shopping at the hobby lobby. a truckload of stuff is what i brought
back. everything from scrap-booking supplies to knitting supplies. i dedicated that entire room to just that. there are shelves along one wall and a bookcase
on the other. i have baskets that hold all my supplies, all neatly arranged and organized. the bookshelf has other crafty things on it.

the other room, i have turned into a gamers paradise. one very large flatscreen sits on a big oak entertainment center and it has the wii, and the 360 hooked
up to it. i use my wii to work out with, and do my yoga in that room, and now i have lots of space to do so. i have a couch on the opposite wall. i have a
long hallway table on one of the other walls, and on it sits 6 plants. i need some life in my life. i have plants all over the house. i placed the dogs beds
against the remaining wall. i hung a picture up on the wall. the closet in that room, is now holding bins and shelves and baskets and all that i had in the
dining room of supplies that i was keeping that i needed are now housed in there.

i got rid of the dining room table that was already here that i had set the computers on, and i cleared the dining room out and got some desks from office
depot. the ding room now has a large rounded desk, and connected with it, is another straight desk. there is a rounded desk on the other side, and another
connected with it. they are set up in the shape of c. in all, i have 4 desktops, and my laptop. 3 of those desktops are touch screens. i also have this very
cool usb pad thing that i have attached to one of them that i can use to draw with. i do alot of that these days when im not out trying to figure out the
world. next to my "office" in the corner of the dining room i have a small table and a book case set up with all things witchary. crystals, herbs, books. a
small statue of the lara and lassa. inscence, candles. i have a cd player set up and plenty of meditation music.
in the living room, i added a bookshelf on the bare wall stacked up with books, and got a nice coffee table. the tv i think is the best of all. i have one
of those led tv's and it is amazing.

the kitchen is fully stocked, and i brought home some shelving systems to hold some other kitchen stuff. i also have a large island in the middle of the
kitchen that has cabinets all filled with the best cookware. i got myself a foreman grill for all those days that i didn't want to grill outside.
the laundry is off the kitchen. a rather big room. i set up a rack in it.

the garage is off the kitchen on the side of the house.
i moved 6 deep freezers and 3 refrigerators into the garage. then i stocked them all with frozen foods from that section of the grocery store. and the
fridges hold things like coffee, water, ect. it wasnt that bad moving them, they were surprisingly light, and it was much easier with the use of the uhaul.
the uhaul has the lift on it. it was only a matter of sliding them around, which they did surprising easy. they are hooked up the generators. there is still
plenty enough room to bring more in, at least 8, if i line them up in tight rows. there isnt alot of stuff in this houses garage. just a tool bench across
one wall, and a corner stocked with bins of extra stuff.
non- perishable stuff i dont worry so much about. it gives me an excuse to go out into town and feel like a normal person. shopping. i park my truck at the
door and go in for things i want.

the door to the kitchen leads out onto a landing. there is stairs that you step down on one side, and beside the kitchen door is another door that leads out onto a covered patio.
the patio is enclosed on one side by a brick wall that does not quite reach up to the roof sort of a tall half wall i guess you could say. it connects with
the house itself. the roof overhangs the patio so no rainwater pours in. along the wall firewood is stacked just a bit taller than i am, and about 60-80
boxes of those firelogs. 4 bags of charcoal, a tall metal shelf system with things like potting soil, plant food, lighter fluid, ect. i rounded myself up a
nice patio set, a table and a few chairs. i have a grill, but its old fashioned. i didnt want a grill that i had to have propane for. it is open to a large
privacy fenced in back yard. a gate leads out to the driveway. in the spring, i plan to plant. a garden of flowers and bushes and vegetables. i want to dig
out a spot to put a pond, maybe with a waterfall and some koi. wouldnt that be nice.

the electric has not gone off yet. but on the way back from michigan i stopped at a place in Toledo ohio and brought back with me 12 more solar powered
generators. i found a place in chattanooga that also sells them, and im thinking when the weather gets warmer i may go and collect them as well. the ones i
got in Toledo are a bit bigger that the ones i got from nashville. i had to trade the suv i drove up for a uhaul to bring them home in. i want to try to
collect as many as possible. they will keep me going. i have hooked up 4 so far at sears, and already have 2 freezers at Maytag running off the generators.
im not worried about water, i will be more than supplied with it. it will not be very pleasant to smell rotting meat when i have to go into a store i haven't
cleared of meat, for things like water and such when i run out. when i was storing meat in the freezers at sears and the ones at the Maytag store, i got all
the things i didn't want out of there and took them far across town and dumped them out into a field.

i try to grill as much as possible, as its much better than all that greasy food. i have realized kind of early on that without a doctor on call, i best start
taking better care of my body. this one is all i have. i avoid the liquor all together, only having a couple glasses of wine a night. wine, as my great
grandmother always told me is good for the heart. i avoid high cholesterol foods, and take a aspirin everyday. i still take my anxiety pills, as i need them
now more than i ever did. if not for them im afraid of instability.
i work out everyday at the local sports com. and after my workouts i swim 4 or 5 laps in the pool. at first it was rough. i weighed in at 235. now after a few months of working out im down to 175, and my muscles are starting to tone up. i can tell my strength has improved.
i walk a bit too.
moving all that furniture was tiring, and heavy, but less painful than i thought now that im getting into better shape.

the night still makes me nervous. i try to sit out on the patio, and i do for a few minutes. i still have the windows boarded up and heavy drapes over the windows there still was nothing. no monsters. since the lights still run, everything is still well lit up. its really gut wrenching to drive through a town at night, that's lit up with lights and there are no people. i drive through sometimes, and i almost think im normal. i pretend there is nothing out of place.
the lights still change. i find it amusing. i go through them of course, and i get a rush out of doing so, since every time i do the city camera snaps my
picture. like i said...amusing.

im planning a trip this summer. im thinking of packing up some stuff and heading off on a road trip. i have always always wanted to see the west coast and i
want to go to the Smithsonian. see the grand canyon, the coast. maybe ill make that trip. i think ill even go to Hershey PA and have some chocolate. plenty of
nice little spots all over the US to visit. i have to do something. maybe ill find myself.
i have always been worried about what we as humans were doing to
our earth. the population growing, cutting down forest, destroying animals. heating up the tundra. i never stopped to think about what the impact would be if
there were NO humans. i know mother nature would take back her earth, but what about storms? if we had a major impact on global warming, what happens now
that it has all stopped? the damage has already been done, and i don't think just because people dissapeared that that would make a big difference.
something to occupy my brain.

i have collected all those country hams from the grocery stores in town. all of them.. i am using the back of a small store to store them. they wont ruin,
and now they are housed well.

i had a really good friend. he was a fantastic person, and we hung out often. he played the guitar. he has sound equipment set up in his house. he enjoyed the same things i did, and now i have his house set up with everything i need to honor that thing. it is ready with lots of supplies, and all i need is to get the solar generators hooked up. then i should be in business, and his memory will be honored.

i have given a lot of thought to the internet being turned off and so i have secured a card from Verizon, one from at n t and sprint. i have them all turned on now, after a few hours of trying to figure out how. that way, if the cable goes out i will still have internet. nothing on the TV, but just the internet. it kinda sucks not having TV. i hook my laptop up to my TV sometimes, and play the old videos from the NBC, and CNN websites. my local news.. it just gives me the sense of not being alone.

its just before noon. i think ill go out.