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I share files and ebooks in different formats on everything related to- survival, canning, homesteading, permaculture, bugging out, living off grid, gardening and things of the like. Please join my facebook group to have access to the files, You can find the link below on the top left hand side.

12/16/09

this isnt fair.

thanksgiving and Christmas all alone? it sucks. right now im buzzed on jim beam, and i think im better off.ive cooked alot at the roadhouse resteraunt, steak of corse. ive been moving around from place to place cooking whats in thier freezers. lucky for me the power hasnt went down yet.im expecting it to, im expecting with the major change around here, and by major change i mean everybody being gone... the weather is going to be affected by it. thats why i went ahead and moved into the location i picked out. i have gathering wood to keep fires lit, and i have the solar powered generators, so no worries there.i miss my family. especially now, that xmas is almost here. i dont want to be here anymore.
but the thought of taking my own life scares the hell out of me. i think im already in hell anyway. i dont want to put up a tree ful of lights to me thats just depressing. i dont want to remember its even the holidays, and with a little help from my friend jim, im sure i wont. i havent looked at a calender latley to know what the date even is. and since its useless to carry a phone, its turned off and at the new house on the kitchen counter.
i cannot celebrate the holidays with out my family. and i wont. i have my 3 very nice touch screen computers set up in the main room on the dining table accross the room from the fireplace. i borded up every room except the bathroom and i relocated a very comfy bed from the bedroom into the living room where the fireplace is. the only rooms available to me is the bathroom, and the kitchen and living room. everything i need is in those areas. there is a dining room, that is part of the kitchen and all the things i could need for awhile, toliet paper, shampoo ect..is stacked up in there. so less trips i take to wallmart. im not worriede about going, i have accsess to everything i could possibly want. i have everything for the house i have a extensive wordrobe im driving whatever vehicle strikes my fancy at the moment. i have been to every store in murfreesboro getting whatever i want. there is nothing left that i need or want. i have all the games that i want, the touch screen computers, 3 to be exact, plus mine, i couldnt leave them tehre. i got a big ass tv, and all the dvds i want, and all that. what more do i need? im walking around with guns and a ipod. i have everything, except love. except my family. its my curse. its been a few months, and i havent seen any thing that would cause me any harm, with the exception of hungry dogs. those are scary. whats bad is i cant feed tham all. and since i cant, that gives for really hungry, aggressive animals. my cats seem to have taken to the new place. sassy really enjoys the fire when i have one going. she lays in her kitty bed in front of it. she loves the cat tree i got her, and plays on it all the time. at least i still her and lucky. i cant imagine what i would do without them. i still cannot understand why the people are gone, and not the animals. im really disturbed by the fact that i cant take care of the animals and that they will be hungry. little house animals will die. i cant think about it if i do, it will just make me crazy. i did let all the animals loose from the pet shops. i went up to the malls in nashville and let them loose there too. i rescued two german shepherd pups of diffrent litters. they are about 3 months old. since they come from the pet shops i know they have thier first checkups, including shots and dewormed. i take them with me where ever i go, on leahes. i have been working with them outside teaching them to stay with me. so far they are smart pups and have learned to listen well. i have lost 20 pounds since everyone dissapeared. i work out at the gym everyday. i also am always out in the town doing something and that requires me moving around alot. but it doesnt take away the fact that i am lonley. now i guess i know what will smith felt like in the legend movie. last person on earth. at least i dont have monsters chasing me. i havent seen any. i watch tv alot when im here. mostly charmed. i watch charmed constantly. it reminds me of family, and makes me feel like im in the real world, not this crazy plane on non existance. i have also been devoting my time to reading my books on herbs, and candle majick. i have learned what crystals are used for, and have surrounded the whole haouse in herbs and crystals for protection. i find myself drinking more, even though i more prone to smoking weed. i have to hunt for more though, i may just drive out to calli this spring, and visit the head shops. i know i wont have a problem finding it out there. i wont have a problem here, since i can grow my own. but they have some pretty good stuff out in calli. or so ive heard. by the time i get out there all the small clones they sell for regrow will be dead. but i know they will stil have jars of wonderful stuff all over.and there are plenty of head shops out there. iv always wanted to get out to calli and see the coast line for myself. i guess now i will have the chance. the travel will be good for me. i can use the reseraunts for food, as they always have the freezers full. that is if there is still electricity. i am looking for the lights to go down this winter. as winter is here now and has been cold enough, but im sure the ice will settle on the power lines and leave me without. im scared. scared of what it will be like when it does go out. at least i know there is plenty of canned food for me. noone to share it with. i have what i need. maybe i wont have fresh meat, but i got the hams, and canned meat. i can do with it. so, here i am with everything i never had and without everything i want. fuck this. if there is anyone else out there in the world..
merry christas.